Friday, August 13, 2004
Governor McCreepey - "Nevermind that I'm a corrpupt politician, I'm resigning because I'm a Gay Adulterous American"
by Thom the Blog Culler
As Bonjo has informed us in his recent post, New Jersey Governor James E. McGreevey has announced his plans to resign, citing his dimished capcaity to govern because of his closeted gayness and adultery.
Of course, he did not explain that his adulterous gayness sheds considerable light onto the multiple scandals that have dogged his administration. Oh, and of course he won't be stepping down until the choice for his replacement can be safely taken out of the hands of New Jersey voters who might just vote for a Republican.
According to Fox News:
Scandal marred McGreevey's tenure following questions over a series of questionable appointments, including the naming of Golan Cipel to the newly created post of homeland security adviser without any background check or official announcement.
Reporters soon questioned what Cipel did to earn his $110,000 salary and in March 2002, he was reassigned to a "special counsel" job. A few months later, Cipel left his state government position.
It turns out this Cipel guy is an Israeli poet and the object of McCreepey's adulterous affections. Cipel couldn't get a US security clearance because he is not a US citizen, and so had no business being in the New Jersey Homeland Security job in the first place. Apparently Cipel recently threatened to out the Governor and sue him for sexual harrassment unless he was paid off with "millions of dollars."
As for McCreepey's other scandals:
McGreevey also came under fire in 2002 for hiring a state police superintendent who had a criminal record. Last year, two former aides were targeted in a federal probe investigating whether they used their political ties to secure business for their billboard company. This year, a Democratic fund-raiser and former high school classmate of McGreevey's was indicted and charged with trying to extort campaign donations from a farmer in exchange for help in selling his land. Last month, the governor's commerce secretary quit amid reports he funneled money to businesses he owned with family members, and McGreevey's top campaign donor was charged with conspiracy, obstructing a federal investigation and promoting prostitution.
Apparently, by holding off his resignation until November 15th, McCreepey can avoid having a special election called and ensure that New Jersey Senate President Richard J. Codey, a Democrat, will become acting governor and serve out the remainder of McCreepey's term which expires in 2006. What else could a scandal-ridden, corrupt politician...er...I mean, gay adulterous American be expected to do for his party...uh, I mean, for the citizens of his great state?
What can I say more?
Hat tip to Scott Ott at Scrappleface for the philosophical underpinnings of my title.