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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Stop the Presses!
by Cordeiro
Somebody give me a Valium. For the first time in nearly six weeks, Lurch held a press conference. Several reporters nearly collapsed from hyperventilation during the event, as most had nearly forgotten Lurch actually held press conferences.

Ok, so maybe I exaggerate a tad.

Some questions I wish had been asked:

Lurch: Over the course of the last four years, 5 million Americans have lost their health care. And under George Bush, the health care premiums have gone up some $3,500. Countless families are finding it harder and harder to afford to be able to pay for health care.

Reporter: Excuse me Senator, but could the actions that enriched your running mate possibly have anything to do with the skyrocketing cost of health care?

Lurch (on W's address to the United Nations): At the United Nations today, the president failed to level with the world's leaders. Moments after Kofi Annan, the secretary general, talked about the difficulties in Iraq, the president of the United States stood before a stony-faced body and barely talked about the realities at all of Iraq. After lecturing them, instead of leading them to understand how we are all together with a stake in the outcome of Iraq, I believe the president missed an opportunity of enormous importance for our nation and for the world.

Reporter: Senator, don't you think that after so many years of in-action on Iraq, coddling the blood thirsty dictator that was Saddam Hussein, and generally being spinless, Frenchified weenies, the UN General Assembly needed a good lecture?

Reporter: Senator, could you explain your shifting positions on Iraq?

Lurch: No, I have one position on Iraq, one position.

Reporter: How can that be? My last count was eight, but your nuanced statements sometimes make me doze off.

I could go on, and on, and on - as Lurch did in this press conference. I can explain his various plans in one simple phrase: Talk.

Lurch wants to talk, debate, nuance, and quite possibly bore the terrorists to death. There is no action in his plans. That is where the difference is. W is a man of action, Lurch is a man of limitless hot air.

The Dems are trumpeting this speech, and the one Lurch gave at NYU yesterday, as "turning points in the campaign - acts which will force the Bush Administration to play defense." If this truly is the best Lurch can dish out - the very best pitches he has to hurl, somebody better take up a position in the upper deck of the stadium, because W is swinging for the fences.
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