Smackdown in St. Louis
The following is a pirated copy of live debate commentary from the St. Louis Presidential Debate. The commentary is made by Vinnie and Guido who normally do the blow-by-blow coverage of boxing and professional wrestling. While these guys don’t normally provide debate coverage, it was decided that their commentary was about as insightful as that provided by the MSM, with the notable exception of Fox News.
(Memo to Scarbourough: Your redemption in the eyes of the SOTR is doubtful at best. But I digress.)
Q Senator Kerry, the U.S. is preparing a new Iraq government, and we'll proceed to withdraw U.S. troops. Would you proceed with the same plans as President Bush?Vinnie: I dunno there Guido. Lurch is gonna have some splainin’ to do on that answer.
Lurch: Anthony, I would not.
Lurch: Now, I have to tell you, I would do something different. I would reach out to our allies in a way that this President hasn't.
Guido: Do you think he’s talkin’ bout the frenchified weenies that only come a calling when somebody is shootin’ at ‘em?
Vinnie: Must be.
Vinnie: Yes! W connects with a right hook of common sense!
W: He talks about a grand idea -- let's have a summit. We're going to solve the problem in Iraq by holding a summit. And what is he going to say to those people that show up to the summit? Join me in the wrong war at the wrong time at the wrong place? Risk your troops in a war you've called a mistake? Nobody is going to follow somebody who doesn't believe we can succeed, and somebody who says the war where we are is a mistake. I know how these people think. I meet with them all the time. I talk to Tony Blair all the time. I talk to Silvio Berlusconi -- they're not going to follow an American President who says, follow me into a mistake. Our plan is working. We're going to make elections and Iraq is going to be free, and America will be better off for it.
Lurch: Now, when it comes to the issue of the environment, this is one of the worst administrations in modern history. The Clear Skies bill that he just talked about, it's one of those Orwellian names you pull out of the sky, slap it onto something like No Child Left Behind, but you leave millions of children behind -- here they're leaving the skies and the environment behind.Guido: Did he just use Orwellian in a sentence?
Vinnie: Oh, yeah. 15 yard penalty for unnecessary nuance!
Q Senator Kerry, we have been fortunate that there have been no further terrorist attacks on American soil since 9/11. Why do you think this is? And if elected, what will you do to assure our safety?Guido: Hey, Vinnie! Lurch just left his right side completely unprotected. He’s standing out there strutting around like a fox in the henhouse!
Lurch: Thank you very much, Ann. I've asked in my security briefings why that is, and I can't go into all the answers, et cetera, but let me say this to you. This President and his administration have told you and all of us it's not a question of when, it's a question of -- excuse me, not a question of if, it's a question of when. We've been told that. The when I can't tell you. Between the World Trade Center
bombing in -- what was it -- 1993 or so -- and the next time was five years,
seven years. These people wait, they'll plan. They plot.
I agree with the President that we have to go after them and get them wherever they are. I just think I can do that far more effectively because the most important weapon in doing that is intelligence. You've got to have the best intelligence in the
world. And in order to have the best intelligence in the world, to know who the
terrorists are and where they are and what they're plotting, you've got to have
the best cooperation you've ever had in the world.
Vinnie: Uh, oh. He doesn’t see W taking aim at him. W’s on the second rope. Lurch doesn’t see him.
Vinnie: Oh, man. The Atomic Piledriver!
MODERATER: Mr. President.
W: That's an odd thing to say since we've tripled the homeland security budget from $10 billion to $30 billion. Listen, we'll do everything we can to protect the homeland. My opponent is right, we need good intelligence. It's also a curious thing for him to say, since right after 1993, he voted to cut the intelligence budget by $7.5
The best way to defend America in this world we live in is to stay on the offense. We've got to be right 100 percent of the time here at home, and they've got to be right once. And that's the -- that's the reality. And there's a lot of good people working hard. We're doing the best we possibly can to share information. That's why the Patriot Act was important. The Patriot Act is vital, by the way. It's a tool that law enforcement now uses to be able to talk between each other. My opponent says he hasn't changed his positions on it -- no, but he's for weakening it.
I don't think my opponent has got the right view about the world to make us safe, I really don't. First of all, I don't think he can succeed in Iraq. And if Iraq were to fail, it would be a haven for terrorists, and there would be money, and the world would be much more dangerous. I don't see how you can win in Iraq if you don't believe we should be there in the first place. I don't see how you can lead troops if you say it's the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't see how the Iraqis are going to have confidence in the American President if all they hear is that it was a mistake to be there in the first place.
This war is a long, long war, and it requires steadfast determination, and it requires a complete understanding that we not only chase down al Qaeda, but we disrupt terrorists safe havens, as well as people who could provide the terrorists with support.
Guido: The humanity. Oh, the humanity.
Vinnie: Guido – get a hold of yourself, brother. You’re talking about Lurch here.
Guido: Oh, yeah. Thanks Vinnie.
The transcript goes on, but I don’t need to. W handed Lurch his John Brown Hind Parts on Friday – in individually wrapped thin slices.