Friday, November 05, 2004
Here's Your Sign
Bill Engvalls is a very successful stand up comic whose trademark schtick centers around the following premise:
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."With apologies to Mr. Engvalls, I’m going to shamelessly plagiarize his line and start applying it to misguided, linguini-spined, frenchified, left wing politicians, pundits, and like minded “induhviduals” who cannot for the life of them see the trends inherent in the election results of this past Tuesday.
(By the way, I’ll probably turn this into a weekly contest, so feel free to submit your entries by Thursday to email@example.com)
As the election season has come to a close this week, there are several entries to review:
1. Congresswoman Nancy “San Francisco Treat” Pelosi.
I swear this woman’s face never moves. She looks like she’s in a perpetual state of surprise – and given the election results, I can see how this could be true.
Her entry: "I always said, on any given day, I thought that the opportunity was there for us to take back the House, and on that day, we would. It wasn't there on Election Day. I don't consider it a black eye. I think we held our own on what wasn't a very good day for the Democrats."
Memo to the San Francisco Treat – Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Here’s your sign.
2. New York Time Columnist Maureen Dowd
Her most recent column borders on qualifying run at the lunatic fringe – not that she doesn’t own a good chunk of real estate there anyway.
Her entry: "Just listen to Dick (Oh, lordy, is this cuckoo clock still vice president?) Cheney, introducing the Man for his victory speech: "This has been a consequential presidency which has revitalized our economy and reasserted a confident American role in the world." Well, it has revitalized the Halliburton segment of the economy, anyhow. And "confident" is not the first word that comes to mind for the foreign policy of a country that has alienated everyone except Fiji.
Vice continued, "Now we move forward to serve and to guard the country we love." Only Dick Cheney can make "to serve and to guard" sound like "to rape and to pillage."
Where to start. Look, Maureen. W and Big Time beat your boy Lurch like a Bongo Drum. (No, Hugh, I’m not paying you a dollar for that line.) Perhaps you and your consorts over there in the Jayson Blair wing of the journalistic dust bin need to realize that a 4 million vote margin is a mandate from the people. Here’s your sign.
3. Exit Pollsters
This country doesn’t have a majority of liberal women as the dominant political force, despite the efforts of NOW. Your efforts to enable the MSM to in their effort to tilt the election toward Lurch was blatantly obvious. We remember from the 2000 election and won’t be fooled into giving up before the fat lady sings. Here’s your sign.
Here endeth the lesson.