Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Iranian Mullah Memo
Wouldn't this be refreshing honesty in the art of Intercultural Communications?
To: Iranian Mullahs with Nuclear Ambitions
Subject: Pushing Your Luck
Just in case you guys were wondering, I am aware of your nuclear ambitions. I am also aware of the fact that the agreement you signed with the European Union regarding the suspension of your nuclear program isn't worth the parchment its written on.
You may think me stupid, gullible, or just downright ignorant. In some ways, I guess you might be right.
You see, I can't remember - do I have four armored divisions in Iraq or was it five? In all the confusion and fog of war, I just can't be sure. I'm also not really clear on how many B-2 Bombers are in my arsenal. That's why I keep the Joint Chiefs close. They remember stuff like that for me.
That said, let me get to the point of this memo. I have a simple question for y'all.
Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punks?
I ask this question out of concern that you may not understand your predicament. You're looking down the business end of the most heavily armed, highly trained, battle ready, and ruthless fighting forces ever to be assembled on the face of the earth. It has the capability of returning you and your robed colleagues to the dust from whence you came without so much as breaking a sweat.
While you may think we're not capable to deal with the insurgency in Iraq and also take care of you and your nukes, I would caution you not to bet against the abilities of the United States Armed Forces. Don't take my word for it. Ask Saddam.
I know you're used to dealing with Chirac and the rest of the EU. You may be able to push your luck with them, but we play by different rules here in the US. You harbor, support, and otherwise cheer on terrorists and terrorism. We don't much like that here.
Don't push your luck.