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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
 
John Bolton's Confirmation Hearings - The Untold Story
by Cordeiro
In an ongoing effort to bring to our readers the unaired and un-transcribed exchanges between W Administration designees and the Senate confirmation panels, the SOTR brings you the following exchange between UN Ambassador designee John Bolton and the Senate Foreign Relations Committee:

"My first question is why someone who despises the U.N. so much would even want this job?" Senatorette Barbara Boxer said.

"I don't!" John Bolton answered, pounding the table, "Getting this job will make me violent and angry!" He then rubbed his glasses. "Is that a woman asking me questions? They let women be Senators now? No one told me this!"

"See, this is what we need; someone who doesn't even want the job for his own personal ambitions," Senator Richard Lugar remarked.

"Do you think you will be able to work with Kofi Anan?" Senator Joe Biden asked Bolton.

"If I ever see him in person, I'll bash his head in with a rock!" Bolton vowed.

"Those are the words of a reformer," Senator George Allen stated.

"But what will other countries think?" Senatorette Boxed exclaimed.

Bolton pointed to his face. "Does this look like the mustache of a man who cares what other people think?"

"Is it true you have vowed to make all in the U.N. pay for their alleged incompetency with blood?" asked Biden.

"I'll gut them like pigs!" Bolton shouted, wielding a custom made shiv.

"I think it's good we have someone who is not afraid to take on the U.N.'s corruption," Lugar commented.

"I'll strangle them with their own entrails," Bolton yelled, cutting the air with his shiv.

"Do you even know anything about diplomacy?" Senatorette Boxer inquired.

"Does that mean I kills them alphabetically?" Bolton responded, looking confused.

"We have Carl W. Ford Jr. here to testify that Bolton intimidated other officials," Biden announced.

Ford sat down to testify, and Bolton pointed his shiv at him while staring at Ford with crazy eyes. "You have something to say about me intimidating people?" Bolton demanded.

Ford wet his pants and ran off. "No!"

"And we have reports that you've already started things off on the wrong foot," Biden said, "Having hit Kofi Anan's son with your car and shoved him into a duffel bag."

"That's my business, and I'm not answering questions about it!" Bolton shouted.

"Help me!" said the wriggling duffel bag lying next to Bolton, "I'm Kojo!"

Bolton started stomping the bag. "Duffle bags don't talk!" Bolton looked to the Senators. "So when do I start?"

*HT to IMAO
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