Thursday, September 08, 2005
Katrina Exposé Exclusive: Bush Administration Concocted Epic Storm!
*** BREAKING NEWS ***
In a stunning discovery today, Congressional Democrats and representatives from DreamOn.org announced the results of the joint-chamber congressional Hurricane Katrina Commission investigation.
"This storm was conceived, planned and born under the auspices of the Bush Administration," a haggard Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid announced. The chilling details of the historic storm are clear:
- Shortly after invading the innocently helpless nation of Iraq, President Bush summoned his top advisors to concoct a homeland natural disaster. A task force was created to address this possibility.
- Karl Rove headed up the Natural Disaster Creation task force, and immediately suggested hitting those "predictably GOP-leaning Gulf states".
- Halliburton used a heretofore highly classified climatic manipulation system to spawn the storm. The Halliburton project was funded by overcharging the Department of Defense for routine contractual arrangements which have gone unaudited since the end of the Clinton Administration.
- President Bush had originally requested that the hurricane simultaneously strike Massachusetts, New York, San Francisco and Chicago. Halliburton engineers investigated the idea, and informed the Presidential Task Force that one really big storm would be needed, or storms in two separate oceans and the Great Lakes region, which would look awfully suspicious.
- So as to not raise suspicions further, the plan was changed and the storm directed over a portion of Florida, a state governed by Bush's younger brother.
"And let's not forget that, as I pointed out in the 2004 debates, President Bush owns a lumber company. Who stands to make money from the reconstruction of the Gulf Coast? 'Big lumber', that's who, and they will realize record profits. That kind of money is unimaginable. Well, not to me, of course..."The full text of the report will be available to anyone who does not currently have gainful employment and thus can afford the time to read all 2,000 pages.