Wednesday, July 18, 2007
John “Breck Girl” Edwards – “They Like Me…Really, They Like Me!”
John “Breck Girl” Edwards has a huge base of popular support. It outstrips Hillary, Obama, and the rest of the Democratic presidential candidate field. While this may come as a surprise to most anybody capable of reading polls – be they national or local – it has to be true.
Well, Breck Girl’s biggest fan – himself – says so. In what might be termed as a stand up comic schtick, Edwards declared the following:
It’s not enough for you to like a candidate. It’s not even enough for you to agree with a candidate. We must—my party, the Democratic Party—we must nominate a candidate who will win the general election.There’s only one problem with Breck Girl’s recollection of this surprising poll.
All the empirical evidence shows that I am the strongest general election candidate.
Well, this is not even close—who’s the strongest general election candidate. Every piece of empirical evidence shows you exactly the same thing that your gut will tell you anyway.
I saw a poll a week and a half ago, done by an independent polling firm, testing each of us against the top four Republicans, in about, I want to say, this isn’t going to be exactly right, but in about 20 states, mostly swing states. And I beat every Republican in 20 states. All of ‘em. Hillary won in about half the states roughly, close to half, and Obama, I think, won nowhere, if I remember correctly.
It doesn’t exist. His campaign, when pressed for the numbers, could not produce a copy of the heretofore unpublished poll. No press release. No news report. Zip. Zero. Nada.
In short, Breck Girl suffers from the same memory ailment that plagued Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and a host of other (mainly Democratic) politicians – Virtual Memory Syndrome. They take what they wish was true, transcribe it into their recollection of history, and pass it off as the actual record.
Sorry, John. I don’t think even the most gullible democratic voter will buy that story. I believe the legal eagle objection to your statement would be “facts not in evidence”. By the way, reports of your "blowing operatic kisses" to your "adoring" fans could result in the confiscation, shredding, and burning of your Guy Card - if you even have one.
Good luck with that strategy.
Here endeth the lesson.