A Democratic Savior?
As the electoral calendar creeps ever so slowly toward towards the Democratic National Convention in the Mile High City, the possibility increases that Hillary and Obama will continue the hammer throwing battle right through the summer
Some party insiders are fearful of what this might do to the party. Their fears are not baseless. Every day Hillary and Obama keep up the hammer toss is one more day McCain has to sit back, solidify his base, and sell popcorn to the spectators.
DNC Chairman Howie "I Have A Scream" Dean has set a July 1 deadline for the nomination to be sown up. Evidently, Hillary either didn't get or threw away the July 1 memo because yesterday she vowed to stay in the race through the Denver convention.
Meanwhile, in the deep dark recesses of the Democratic party's formerly smoke filled rooms there are people formulating a contingency plan in the event neither Hillary nor Obama manage to secure the nomination. One scenario being kicked around is the possibility that 100 or so "Superdelegates" could sit out the first ballot – thereby denying both Hillary and Obama of victory – and then those same 100 Superdelegates would offer the nomination to a different person "for the good of the party".
Who is this person to whom the party elders would turn? Why, none other than Albert Arnold "Algore" Junior. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Algore would ride into the Denver Convention Center on a white Clydesdale horse (a stallion being unable to adequately support him) and save the Democratic Party from self-inflicted defeat. Algore, the Vice-President during the Clinton (Sorry Excuse For) Administration. Algore – the candidate who single-handedly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in 2000 by inexplicably losing three straight presidential debates to a man who takes the art of mangling the English language to new heights every day.
A side note to those readers suffering from eight years of Bush Derangement Syndrome. Please spare me the "Selected Not Elected" diatribes. Eight years of screaming it doesn't make it any more palatable. Remember, if Algore had managed to carry his HOME STATE of Tennessee this debate would be moot. End digression.
So, Democratic insiders are now looking to a man who has spent the better part of the past decade jet-setting around the globe warning of impending climactic disasters of biblical proportions unless we all reduce our carbon footprints by returning to the days of the horse and buggy. Wait. Scratch the horse – too much methane emissions. Better go with just the buggy. And don't breathe too deeply or exhale too much. Remember, Algore preaches this stuff even though his personal carbon footprint is roughly equal to the combined carbon emissions of the states of Ohio, Tennessee, and Kentucky.
Oh, and one more thing. These same insiders would take the nomination from either Hillary or Obama – both of whom have received millions of primary votes – and give it to a man who has received not a single vote since 2000. Talk about thick irony.
And by the way, Al, Academy votes can't be used in the General Election.
Here endeth the lesson.