Wednesday, October 08, 2008
The "debate" that wasn't
It has taken me this long to rouse myself from the stupor inflicted upon me by last night’s sorry excuse for a presidential debate. I’ve seen dreadful television in my time and last night was about as entertaining as one of those late night infomercials extolling the virtues of the Clapper.
So exceptionally mind numbing were most of the exchanges by the two candidates that the makers of Ambien CR saw a 36.5% drop in sales overnight. Evidently people figured out they could watch ten minutes of Obama opining on the state of the economy and get the same effect as popping a pill. Ever the fundraiser, Team Obama is now trying to figure out how to monitize the debate video.
Something very eventful did in fact take place last night. The argument can now be made that this particular debate transcript along with its accompanying video footage has now usurped Vogon poetry as the third most hazardous verbal communication known in the universe.
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.I’m pretty impressed with myself. I can quote meaningless and made up stuff nearly as well as SlowJoe Biden.
Speaking of SlowJoe, you might not have noticed it but he and the entire state of Delaware got thrown under the Team Obama bus as Barry was “taking it” to the greedy capitalists of Corporate America. In case your own major intestine was trying to throttle your brain, here’s what you missed:
And the reason that it’s a problem to go shopping state by state, you know what insurance companies will do? They will find a state — maybe Arizona, maybe another state — where there are no requirements for you to get cancer screenings, where there are no requirements for you to have to get pre-existing conditions, and they will all set up shop there.
That’s how in banking it works. Everybody goes to Delaware, because they’ve got very — pretty loose laws when it comes to things like credit cards.
Hear that all you greedy capitalistic Delawareans? Your laws are “very - pretty loose” over there. Too loose for Barry’s liking. Don’t you go hoping having SlowJoe on the ticket will spare you from Barry’s ire. Remember, all his campaign statements have an expiration date. All of them.
There is a very good explanation why a majority of US corporations are actually Delaware corporations. I could go into it, but just re-reading that single quote of Obama pontificating about that which he knows not has caused my major intestine to warn me of a possible brain throttling.
I’m sure a good solid episode of The Simpsons will reestablish my equilibrium.